Dear Grocery
Stores,
Hi there, my name
is Susie. And my favorite ice cream flavor is chocolate chip.
You might say, “Why
are you telling us this, Susie?”
Hey, that’s a great
question, Grocery Stores! And I’m glad you asked.
I am telling you
this because until recently, I would have thought that ‘Chocolate Chip’ was one
of the most standard, garden-variety, run-of-the-mill ice cream flavors in the
world – right there next to Vanilla, Chocolate, and Strawberry. I have never
for a moment doubted the availability or accessibility of this flavor, because
I would have thought that its simple recipe would have guaranteed its ongoing
presence in my life for all eternity.
I have a story to
tell you, Grocery Stores. A cautionary tale, from someone who took their
favorite ice cream for granted.
Last night, it was
cold and dark, and the ominous winds of change blew through the air. I
sauntered cheerfully into my local supermarket, craving some of my favorite
chocolate chip ice cream – utterly unsuspecting of the horrors to come. I
scanned the shelves of the freezer section with growing anxiety, sure that I
must be overlooking it. There were rows and rows of ice cream flavors, surely
it must be here somewhere! Distraught, I stumbled to the nearest store employee
for help. Rather than offering words of comfort, he confirmed my worst fears. Not
only did they not carry it – the man glanced over his shoulder and told me in
hushed tones – he couldn’t even remember the last time he saw it on the
shelves.
Panic ran through
my veins like ice water. I hastened to the next store, holding out hope that it
was an isolated incident. But there I met the same fate – horror,
disappointment, deflation. A third store, and a third round of distress.
I came home and frantically
opened my laptop, determined to quell my fears with reassurance that the flavor
DOES exist, this was all just an unfortunate coincidence, a bad dream… I
searched all of the flavor lists for major ice cream distributors, and combed
through dozens of different flavor combinations. Every so often, my eyes would
catch on options like “Mint Chocolate Chip” and “Chocolate
Chocolate Chip” and “Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough”… And finally, after minutes
upon minutes of searching… I found it. Most ice cream companies do, in
fact, manufacture Chocolate Chip. My panic temporarily abated, I breathed a
heavy sigh of relief.
But I write to you
now, Grocery Stores, to pose the question of WHY you would not carry this
obviously available and presumably popular product. The fact of this absolutely
baffles me. You carry things like ‘apricot noyaux’ and ‘white chocolate
raspberry cheesecake’ and ‘banana cappuccino fudge twirl kitty kitty lick lick
sundae supreme’ (Okay there’s a chance I made that one up), but somehow
something as simple as chocolate chip
is beyond your ability to stock? Is this a part of a larger statement you’re
trying to make to consumers? Are there ice cream politics involved that I’m not
aware of?
I have to imagine
there are others out there like me, quietly sitting at home eating their second
favorite ice cream flavor because the mighty hand of oppression has shunned
them into silence. But no more! Please accept our plea, Grocery Stores, and
allow us to indulge on the simple, creamy, perfect-ratio-of-chocolate-to-vanilla
goodness that is Chocolate Chip Ice Cream. Think of all the
after-a-hard-day’s-work cravings you could satisfy. Think of all the apple pie
that is currently going NON-a la mode! For heaven’s sake, THINK OF THE
CHILDREN!
I trust you’ll do
the right thing, Grocery Stores.
Sincerely and
Hopefully,
Susie
The world is complete, now that I can once again read random thoughts from Susie. A thought: Buy some mini chocolate chips and vanilla ice cream and make your own.... because I'm just afraid your ignorant plea might knock my personal favorite - banana cappuccino fudge twirl kitty kitty lick lick sundae supreme - off the shelves. THINK OF THE ELDERLY!
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