Dear Grocery Stores,
Hi there, my name is Susie. And my favorite ice cream flavor is chocolate chip.
You might say, “Why are you telling us this, Susie?”
Hey, that’s a great question, Grocery Stores! And I’m glad you asked.
I am telling you this because until recently, I would have thought that ‘Chocolate Chip’ was one of the most standard, garden-variety, run-of-the-mill ice cream flavors in the world – right there next to Vanilla, Chocolate, and Strawberry. I have never for a moment doubted the availability or accessibility of this flavor, because I would have thought that its simple recipe would have guaranteed its ongoing presence in my life for all eternity.
I have a story to tell you, Grocery Stores. A cautionary tale, from someone who took their favorite ice cream for granted.
Last night, it was cold and dark, and the ominous winds of change blew through the air. I sauntered cheerfully into my local supermarket, craving some of my favorite chocolate chip ice cream – utterly unsuspecting of the horrors to come. I scanned the shelves of the freezer section with growing anxiety, sure that I must be overlooking it. There were rows and rows of ice cream flavors, surely it must be here somewhere! Distraught, I stumbled to the nearest store employee for help. Rather than offering words of comfort, he confirmed my worst fears. Not only did they not carry it – the man glanced over his shoulder and told me in hushed tones – he couldn’t even remember the last time he saw it on the shelves.
Panic ran through my veins like ice water. I hastened to the next store, holding out hope that it was an isolated incident. But there I met the same fate – horror, disappointment, deflation. A third store, and a third round of distress.
I came home and frantically opened my laptop, determined to quell my fears with reassurance that the flavor DOES exist, this was all just an unfortunate coincidence, a bad dream… I searched all of the flavor lists for major ice cream distributors, and combed through dozens of different flavor combinations. Every so often, my eyes would catch on options like “Mint Chocolate Chip” and “Chocolate Chocolate Chip” and “Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough”… And finally, after minutes upon minutes of searching… I found it. Most ice cream companies do, in fact, manufacture Chocolate Chip. My panic temporarily abated, I breathed a heavy sigh of relief.
But I write to you now, Grocery Stores, to pose the question of WHY you would not carry this obviously available and presumably popular product. The fact of this absolutely baffles me. You carry things like ‘apricot noyaux’ and ‘white chocolate raspberry cheesecake’ and ‘banana cappuccino fudge twirl kitty kitty lick lick sundae supreme’ (Okay there’s a chance I made that one up), but somehow something as simple as chocolate chip is beyond your ability to stock? Is this a part of a larger statement you’re trying to make to consumers? Are there ice cream politics involved that I’m not aware of?
I have to imagine there are others out there like me, quietly sitting at home eating their second favorite ice cream flavor because the mighty hand of oppression has shunned them into silence. But no more! Please accept our plea, Grocery Stores, and allow us to indulge on the simple, creamy, perfect-ratio-of-chocolate-to-vanilla goodness that is Chocolate Chip Ice Cream. Think of all the after-a-hard-day’s-work cravings you could satisfy. Think of all the apple pie that is currently going NON-a la mode! For heaven’s sake, THINK OF THE CHILDREN!
I trust you’ll do the right thing, Grocery Stores.
Sincerely and Hopefully,